Beat ‘Em Up Royalty: Rushing Beat (and why you shouldn’t write after drinking)

People have a lot of fantasies, am I right?. Flying on dragons, driving sweet cars, sticking GI Joes and stuff up their butts after their stepdad catches them sniffing their stepmom’s underwear or whatever. Mine? I’ve always wanted to wear a goofy outfit and beat the crap out of an entire 1,000 member street gang in about an hour using like… four moves. Highly specific, I know. But that’s why the Beat ‘Em Up genre and I were made for each other. Yes, the enemies are hookers with electro-whips, obese…

11 Classy Retro Game Perversions

A (perhaps) vital component of the culture, perversions both large and small have always been present in retro video games. If you haven’t noticed boners, vaginas, buttholes and sex acts of all kinds, you likely haven’t been playing them. From Ring of Power‘s boobs code, to the Japanese Link’s Awakening‘s hippo boobs, to frankly a large number of other ‘boobs’ instances, there are many blatant examples of this, leading right on up to unabashed pornographic titles. Because we here at The Gamesman’s Knob are ridiculously classy, the handouts aren’t for…

The Ultimate Goal: Thoughts On Jackassery

The “ultimate gaming goal,” finishing a game, is a worthy one. After sinking 50 hours into something it’s nice to feel like you’ve earned the right to see that last hidden crevice. To complete it. To get the highest score. To unlock its hidden stuff so you can tell people you did it, even though they won’t completely believe you because you’re totally unlikable. Myself… I’ve never had the discipline, nor the restraint to avoid the sort of low hanging fruit that impedes true progress. I could count the number…